Dear Quizno's Baby Bob,

First off, I must send my heartiest congratulations to the pushy stage mother you must have. I can certainly see how she must have jumped at the opportunity to profit from your questionably adorable looks by way of scary digital manipulation. Undoubtably, she carefully weighed the possibility of scarring you for life (or at least those of us subjected to watching you talk like a 45 year old) against the pain she would endure if she neglected to seize this chance to preview your impending mid-life crisis.

But dear me, where are my manners? Let's look past your parental guidance (aka agent) for a moment. The endearing folks at Quiznos must hold you in the deepest regards. To think, they thought of including you in their new campagin immediately after the talking squirrels/gerbils/whatevers. I mean, as we all know, a baby that acts as though he's old enough to have his own kids is an infinitely better way to convince the average consumer to purchase subs than a guinea pig singing about a pepper bar. You must be so honored. They could definitely teach these guys a thing or two about how to really engage your audience and promote positive associations with your product.

Anyhow, I'm sorry been beating around the bush here. Fact is, I can plainly see why you would be an exemplary spokesperson for the new beef sub. I mean, such a clear connection! When I think footlong sandwiches that need to be dipped in brown goo, I certainly think of talking 8 month olds. I can't believe Subway didn't get to you first, they really screwed up with that Jared guy. Keep up the good work, and don't worry, I'm sure the movie offers will be flooding your inbox.

Your devoted fan,


Anonymous said...

This. Is. Freaking. Hilarious.

- Amber

Anonymous said...

It's good to know that satire isn't completely dead. You totally brightened my afternoon!


pandabear78 said...

I was beginning to think that I was the only one who found that child disturbing as all heck. Thank you dj. =o)

sangeet said...

delighted to please you all :)

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm...I guess I suffer from some sort of dementia. I find baby Bob, hilarious, but then I find farts funny. Good one =)